And know the telephone, well it works in both ways.

Fear is like a wound within our emotions. You heal a fear mich liek you heal a cut on your hand. If you ignore the cut, it will get infected. Biut it will heal itself if you pay attention to it and give it time. Same with a fear. First, recognize its existence--what kind of fear is it? Is it fear of poverty, of loneliness, of rejection? THen use common sense. Dont let fear get infected. Often we burn 70 percent of our emotional energy on what we fear might happen. By devoting our energy to our other emotions, we will heal naturally.

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be,
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
You don't need

I know my entries have been werid. At least to me they are. Today I think I might have figured out why ive been stuck in this crazy mood.

See my whole life my parents have taught me that school was the most important thing. School is the number one priority in my life. If I wanted to do something, I had to finish my school work befor I could do it. Ive known nothing else. My two best friends live this life where they can just drop everything they are doing and leave. If there is a problem in their life they can just get in the car and drive. Me...I cant do that. If I just leave I have to make sure that my parents know where im going, where im going to stay, if I can make up my class notes..everything. So when I heard that they spur of the moment went to LA it kind of hurt me. I know that they thought of me but still. I cant be like them, thats why I miss out on so much with them. I live such a different life then them both. I go to school, I live my life by structure and a plan. They do everything spontaneous. I guess the thing that really was the straw that broke the camels back was I got a "C" on my midterm in Astronomy. I studied so hard for that test. While my two best friends were in LA having fun I was working so hard on getting an A and I got a C. David got an A. I felt so down. I really want to succed in life. I do want to be succesful. But that one C really got me down. I mean why am I working this hard when I cant even get a good grade? Is there really any point? To make everything else more complicating I need to figure out what I want to do with my life. Cal Poly is a super hard to get into. Even if your a trasfer student. In order to get in you have to choose your major and on top of the general ed you have to do at a CC you have to take a number of other classes in order to get into the program your major is offered in. I mean I dont even know if I want to go to Cal Poly but if I do I need to start doing all this now. But what if I start doing all this stuff for biology and then realize I hate it? I mean that means I have wasted a lot of time and credits on something I dont even want to do. See, this is why I get crazy and distant. The bottom line is---im afraid.

This guy in my class today told me that I shouldnt worry about school. He said school is always here for us. But that time you spent worrying instead of living your life, you will never get back. He's right.

I just watched such a strange movie. Im incrdibly bored. Supposed to go to the gym at 12 but cant get a hold of david..so sick. Hmm.

School starts on monday. yay?

What do you do when you're nervous?:
Tap my feet

What do you do when you're frustrated?:
vent.

If you're biting your lip, what does that usually mean about your mood?:
It usually means im trying not to say something.

what is your mood when you cross your arms?:
leave me alone

What's your mood if you are more quiet then usual?:
when im really tired.

When you're fidgeting with your hands/other things?:
Scared or nervous

How do you sit when you're totally relaxed?
Like a guy

What do you do when you want everyone to know to leave you alone?
I tell them.

How do you laugh when you're with your friends?:
loudly

When you're with a crush/someone you're flirting with you?:
smile and laugh

What are you doing with you're hands when you're bored?:
playing with my hair

What does it mean when you tap/shake your foot?:
nervous

What do you do when you're feeling insecure?:
dress nice.

What are you usually feeling when you start chewing on things?:
I dont know

Your People
Who makes you laugh the most?:
David

Who has the cutest smile?:
They all do.

Who has the funniest laugh?:
I dont know. we all laugh weird.

Who do you think would ditch you in a heartbeat for someone else?:
uhm. i hope no one.

Who are you totally comfortable with talking about anything?:
emilie and alanna.

Who annoys the heck out of you but you put up with it anyways?:
ha no names.

Who do you know loves you unconditionally?:
my fam.

Who has told you they love you?:
people that love me.

Who has told you they hate you?:
Probably christian, or ashley, or both.

Who do you hate [if anybody]?:
hates a strong word, how about dislike. no names.

Who do you [secretly] consider your favorite person in the world?:
Jesus

Who do you hang around most?:
I hang out with a lot of people

Just General
How many days untill your birthday?:
months.

Do people often pronounce your name incorrectly?:
Jessica. all the time.

Do plastic plants annoy you?
UHm no.

Did you help pick out your mousepad?:
I dont have one.

What's your worst habit in class?:
Being a brat.

Do you like System of a Down?:
im not down with the sickness.

What is your religion?:
Christian

Do you have pets?:
2 cats a dog and ice man.

What's the desktop on your computer?:
cal poly

Do you think people are too materialistic?:
haha yes!

What internet service do you use?:
A good one.

Do you paint your nails?:
sometimes, when i want to look pretty.

Do you like thinking about the future?:
Who wouldnt.

Right Now
What are you listening to?:
the dryer

Are you wearing jewelry?:
bangles and neclace

Are you talking to/IMing someone?:
people still do that.

Are you wearing socks?:
yes!

Is your hair wet?:
Nope.

Random
Do you own a green rock?
is it magical?

Is your room clean?
im a teen.

Are you a good actor/actress?:
I should have won best actress award

What are you expecting?:
To GRADUATE!

Who's the last person you held hands with?:
David. or emilie.

Do you have a fireplace?:
yes.

What kind of cereal did you last have?:
frosted flakes?

DISNEYLAND today!

wooott!

Your family isn't as organized as you would like, and that might crimp your style today. See if you can get them to at least take a few lessons from you, as you're the master when it comes to that.

hahah weird how horoscopes know stuff.

lets not talk about my weekend.

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

I had an amazing christmas. Everything I wanted, I got. I mean everything. I got really spoiled this year. My dad bought me a really nice digital camera, I got a pea coat that I have been waiting for, and my mom managed to get me the uggs that are sold out everywhere. I love my family. Christmas eve was great. Bradley/JOhnson/Seda/Brown christmas eve was the best. I love those people.

I know ive been bitter lately. I think I needed all this family to open up my eyes.

Something new in my life. I got the job at johnson lumber. Im so excited. I need this. I know im going to regret working but I need to have something to keep my mind busy.

Maybe things are looking up.
Cross my fingers.